This blog is a personal memoir of the last ten years of my life, a decade that has shaped me, challenged me, broken parts of me, and ultimately changed the person I am today.
These pages tell the story of a life that, at times, unfolded in ways I never could have imagined. It is a story of autoimmune illness and terminal illness, of IVF and the complicated road to becoming a mother, of premature birth and infant illness, and of navigating motherhood while carrying fear, exhaustion and uncertainty alongside an overwhelming amount of love.
It is also a story about relationships -how they can change under the weight of illness, responsibility and circumstances beyond our control. I will write about the gradual deterioration of relationships I once believed would last forever, the breakdown of a marriage, divorce, family conflict, custody battles and legal battles, and what it has meant to keep moving forward while some of the most personal parts of my life have been examined, questioned and fought over.
I will talk openly about postpartum depression, anxiety and chronic stress, and about the quieter battles that often happen behind closed doors while the rest of the world continues as normal.
But this is not only a story about hardship.
Among the hospital rooms, appointments, courtrooms, difficult conversations and endings are some of the happiest and most meaningful moments of my life. There has been laughter, friendship, love, adventure, new beginnings and the privilege of watching my little girl grow. There have been moments that reminded me that even during the hardest chapters, life can still hold something beautiful.
I am not writing this because I have all the answers, nor because every chapter has reached its conclusion. I am writing it because these years deserve to be remembered honestly, the beautiful parts, the devastating parts, the complicated parts and everything in between.
Some chapters will be difficult to write. Others will be filled with memories I wish I could live a thousand times over. Together, they tell the story of who I was, what happened to us, what I survived, what I learned, and who I am still becoming.
Most importantly, I want there to be a record of it all. A place where the memories, the love, the sacrifices, the decisions and the reasons behind them can exist in my own words.
One day, when she is old enough to understand the story that came before the memories she can remember for herself, I hope these pages help her understand just how deeply she was loved through every chapter.
This is my story.
But I am writing it for my daughter
